the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
