apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
