I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
