My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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