That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
