bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
