Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
