Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
