there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize