Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
