hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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