I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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