i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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