Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
