her vagine was all disorganized.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
