U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
