i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
