So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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