Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
