This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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