are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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