I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it's like iHOP with fire
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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