So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
