I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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