We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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