Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
so much tequila, so little girl.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
