Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
