operation harelip BJ is a go
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
