first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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