I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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