Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up under a house in Key West
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