Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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