im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize