Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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