I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
