either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
