Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
