Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
