forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
