i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
