U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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