She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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