its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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