never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
