with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need to calm my uterus...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
