My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
