Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
