I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
