I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
