dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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