I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
