There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
