I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize