First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
