if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
