Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
