We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i dont even know how to be here
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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