i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
