took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
