Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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