tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
