11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize