WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
