dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did i walk over a car last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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