Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
