i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
