before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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