The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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