her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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